Never Be The Same
by foolishdesires
Summary: Even if I want to move on, I can't. I need something else to take away the pain. Something that will make me forget what is my problem.
1. Prologue

_**Prologue**_

The wind was blowing quite hard and it was making me feel chilled. Tears fell from my eyes as I stood up and went inside my house. I sat down on a wicker chair and took my wand from my pocket. Instantly, a pot of water was getting heated as I close my eyes stopping the tears from flowing.

I gazed outside and found that the wind just grew stronger. My eyes noticed an unopened letter on the sidetable. I gingerly picked it up and saw Ginny's very familiar and messy handwriting.

_Mione, _

_Hey. How are you? Haven't heard from you in a while. I miss you. You should come here at The Burrow this summer before school starts again! Harry's already here. It's not the same without you anymore, Mione. Please come. The boys are taking over. _

_And Mum's also saying she misses you. She says that she needs you here due to Phlegm. Phlegm is pretty irritating. Always kissing the boys, acting like a know-it-all. Harry and Ron are pretty much enjoying it. So you see why we need you._

_And last… Mione, he's an asshole. He doesn't deserve you. I hope you feel better._

_Ginny_

More tears fell from her eyes as she read the last line. Yes, he is an asshole. He cheated on me. He doesn't treat me right in front of his friend. He always made me cry. He broke my heart into tiny million pieces and stepped on it. He ruined me.

He used to tell me that he's so lucky that he met me. That he's so lucky that a girl like me would fall for him. He used to tell me that he loves me all the time. I don't know what happened. Because after six months of dating he treated me like a piece of trash.

~flashback~

"_Draco!" He jumped and turned around. I saw a girl behind him, her hands on his thighs. He looked at me with ease. "Is there any problem, Hermione?" He asked._

"_Any problem? ANY PROBLEM? I just saw my boyfriend snogging someone else in public!" People are now watching us but I don't care. Ginny's holding onto me in case I jumped on him and smack him hard like I did when we were in Year 3. _

_He smiled at me. "Don't you get, Mione? You're dumped. As in, D-U-M-P-E-D." _

"_But you said you love me."_

"_I never did love you. You're just good in bed. But I found someone better." He smirked and went back to business with Astoria. As much as I hate it, tears flowed from my eyes. "I HATE YOU, DRACO MALFOY! I HATE YOU!" I ran back and heard Ginny call after me._

flashback~

But I was lying. Even though he treated me like that, I can't hate him. Even if I tried. I saw my parents walking down the path, their hands intertwined, and their gaze full of love. I can't take it anymore. I ran upstairs to my room and slammed the door. I collapsed on the bed, crying hard. The pain that he left inside me is not healing. We have broken up four months ago and I can't move on.

My heart still yearns for him. I tried to block all precious and sweet memories I had with him but I can't. I can't handle this feeling I have inside. I sat up and noticed a blade on my dresser. I stood up and took it. My reflection stared back at me.

"It's better than emotional pain, right?" I told myself. I drove the blade into my flesh skin and it felt good. Blood oozed out but I don't care. It doesn't hurt. It felt good. I drove it again and another gash formed, more blood oozing. I put the blade down and stared at my wounds. For the first time in four months, I found myself smiling and feeling good.

And I knew that from now on, things will never be the same.


	2. Chapter One

_**Chapter One**_

_Two months later_

School has come once again. And for the first time in history, I wasn't excited. I'm dreading this moment. I shrugged the feeling and thought that it's my last year. I should enjoy it. I walked through the wall and found myself, once again, in Platform 9 ¾. I turned to my parents and gave them each a kiss before I board. Harry and Ron waved at me as I approached the train.

"Hermione! We've missed you." Harry said and gave me a hug. Ron hugged me next and ruffled my very bushy hair. "How are you, Hermione?"

"Fine." I replied. I saw the two of them exchange a look before Harry spoke. "You haven't written to us the whole summer." Harry spoke carefully as we boarded the train and started looking for an empty car.

"I was busy. My parents and I visited some relatives in France." I lied, hoping to convince them. How did I spend my summer? I spent it moping, writing, reading, slashing my wrist. It's a very fun and memorable one. Sarcasm intended to that pun.

We found an empty car and went inside. The boys, maybe seeing my discomfort about the subject, dropped it. They started talking about Quidditch and all those stuff Harry needs to do for the upcoming tryouts.

A knock came on our door and Ernie McMillan, a Hufflepuff, went inside the car. "Uh, Hermione, as we are the Head Girl and Boy we should check if the prefects are doing their job."

"Oh! I completely forgot! Thanks for the reminder, Ernie!" I went into my stuff and took my Head Girl badge as I followed Ernie out.

"I'll see you guys later, okay?" Harry and Ron nodded and continued talking about Quidditch, quite animatedly.

Ernie and I went to the prefects' carriage and gave them the talk that we used to have. The boring usual talk on how important prefects' jobs are and all those. We gave them their jobs and they all sauntered off into their assigned posts.

After thirty minutes or so, we decided to check on the prefects. Ernie said he'll check on the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor assigned prefects and I was stuck with the Hufflepuff and Slytherin. I felt my heart pound as I went past through the Hufflepuff carriage. Everything seems fine.

In the Slytherin carriage, some gave me a dirty look. So far, some of them are still prejudiced. I heard some yelling going on at the end and I walked swiftly. My heart is now hammering into my chest and what I saw made my heart stop.

Draco and his friends are doing shots. And some of them are getting half-naked. Astoria, his _girlfriend_, saw me and whispered something in Draco's ears. Draco turned to her and gave her a very long, lingering kiss. My stomach lurched and I went to find a restroom. My heart is pounding and I'm surprised that no one is hearing it.

I started crying in the restroom, clutching my chest as I sat down on the cold floor. I took some water and drank it but I'm still not calming down. I stood up and searched my pants and found what I was looking for.

The sharp, silver blade shone brightly underneath the light. I stared at it, mesmerized. I placed it on my skin gently, before grazing it against my skin. I closed my eyes as I felt blood come out of the slash. All of a sudden, I felt good. I did it again and again. I was getting relaxed by each slash and finally I stopped.

I saw the marks on my arm and grabbed a tissue. I washed my wounds and I felt stabbing pains in my arm as the water hit my wounds. But the weird things is, it felt good.


	3. Chapter Two

**A/N: Hiya readers! I'm so sorry if it took me weeks to write Chapter Two. I've been busy with my summer classes and now it's done! **

_**Chapter Two**_

We arrived in school and everyone seems cheery. My wrist hurts but in a good way. I saw Professor McGonagall with the first years and waved at her. I entered the Great Hall and the whole place is as noisy as a market.

I sat down beside Ginny and Ron, who was complaining about how hungry he is. Harry is eyeing Ginny who was seated beside Dean. I want to shake him and tell him that Ginny is still mad for you. Be a man. But I didn't. I was too busy watching Neville. I never watched Neville before. We're not even that close. The closest thing we've ever did was the DA. He looked at me but my gaze didn't fell. He gave me a half wave.

We all shut up when McGonagall stood up and said some words. It was still the same speech over and over again. And then the feast began. I heard Ron mutter something like 'Hallelujah'. The guy's pretty hungry.

"Hermione?"

"Huh?" I turned to Ginny.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes. I'm fine." I grabbed a bread from the table and Ginny gasped.

"What did you do to your wrist, Hermione?" She hissed. I flinched and pulled my sleeve down.

"It's none of your business." I snapped as I bit down on the bread. I looked at Ginny's eyes and saw worry filling it. My heart dropped.

"I'm sorry for snapping at you but please don't tell Harry or Ron."

"Are you insane? You're slashing your wrist?"

"It felt… good."

"Since when are you a masochist? Why are you doing this?"

"It's just… "

"Please tell me it's not because of Draco." I lowered my gaze and I heard Ginny exhaled sharply.

"You're sick, you know that." She stood up and grabbed my wrist pretty hard. I yelp and she let go. Harry and Ron are now watching us and I pleaded Ginny with my eyes. She rolled her eyes and she sat again. "Don't you do it again or else I'll tell not only Harry and Ron but to McGonagall too."

Later, that night when everyone's sleeping I slipped out of my bed and into the loo. I splashed cold water into my face and gazed at my slashes. I splashed cold water in it and bit my lip. That stung. I went out and went to the common room.

The fire was lit so I sat down on the couch, my other hand caressing my wrist. I felt an itch inside me, wanting to hurt myself as my thoughts drifted to Draco. I closed my eyes and I felt tears falling.

"Hermione?" I looked back and saw Neville staring at my wrist.


	4. Chapter Three

_**Chapter 3**_

**Draco's POV**

I woke up with my heart pounding. I know that the Dark days are over but there's still some certain fear in me. I can feel the steady breathing of Astoria beside me as I gently pushed her head away from my arms. Her eyes opened and then closed again.

I went to take a shower and as I felt the cold water run through me, my thoughts went to Hermione. Her beautiful hazel eyes, her curly brown hair, her smile. My fist clenched as I closed my eyes trying to forget her.

I went back to my room with Astoria gone from my bed. I silently got dressed and went to the Great Hall. Immediately, my eyes scanned the Hall looking for her. And I did. There she was at the edge of the Gryffindor table, talking to Longbottom. And they're sitting way too close to each other. My blood started boiling in anger.

"Draco!" I counted up to three then turned to my friends. I saw Hermione look at my direction and then continued talking to Longbottom. I sat down beside Blaise and started eating my breakfast. Out of the blue, all of them started laughing quite obnoxiously.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"Your ex." Blaise answered and then started laughing again.

"What about her?"

"She's cozying up with that idiot, Longbottom. Man, you just didn't break her heart. You also broke her sanity!" With that, all of them guffawed like there's no tomorrow. I faked a laugh which I think is pretty convincing, if I say so myself. Again, I took a look back at Hermione and Longbottom. They were both smiling, like they're sharing a private joke. Like we used to. A moment later, Potter and Weasley joined them.

After breakfast, I wasn't able to see the four of them, up until Potions.

Potions are our last lesson. And we, Slytherines, are taking it with Gryffindors. And Slughorn said that the better way that Slytherines and Gryffindors be in good terms with each other is if we're partnered. And that is how I became partnered with Hermione.

She approached the table with her eyes cast down. "Hey, Hermione." She gave me a small smile but still not looking at me. Slughorn gave us something to do and we started doing the potion. She raised her sleeves but in the full way she used to. And that's when I noticed it.

"What's that on your wrist?"

"What?" She quickly pulled down her sleeves and ran out of the room. I followed her. Thank Merlin that Slughorn sometimes fall asleep in class.

"What's that on your wrist?" I grabbed her wrist and she uttered a painful cry. It made me more curious and I pushed her sleeves up. My eyes bulge out from what I saw.

Four deep scars on her left wrist. "Have you been doing this?" I asked quite angrily.

"You don't have any rights to be angry!" She yelled. "You made that decision last year!" She ran out in the gardens and I followed her.

"Hermione!" She pointed her wand at me and then all of a sudden I found myself in the class with an almost done potion. She's still not beside me.

As I added the last bat wing on the cauldron, I decided to myself. I decided that I will do whatever it takes to know what's going on with her. Screw what my father says. I'm still in love with her. And I care.


End file.
